About me. Mania loopholes and meaning:
Mania of loopholes and the mania of meaning:
How many I remember myself - non-stop was looking for "loopholes" - the way out of the problems, and the problems themselves - to look for ways out of them.
- As soon as I heard, later I read about a problem, - immediately "hung up" - disconnected from the world and thought only about what I had heard, the problem I had read.
It was the strongest "mania" - I was not interested in "normal" games of children, entertainment, "rest" - I was not only indifferent to music, later - computer games, football, beer, girls and everything - they were unpleasant to me, - I did not see in them any sense, but saw only - a hindrance.
I was also disconnected from the world, also non-stop, - outwardly signs of autism.
True, true madness begins with a lack of criticality and self-awareness - when a madman is unaware of his abnormality.
Problems, at first I did not choose - 90% of films in cinemas and on TV were connected with military themes.
There were no internal political and other problems in the USSR-the only problem was to defeat America in the smelting of steel and in the "imposed" arms race.
In addition, there was a cult of mechanics - all problems were purely technical.
Accordingly, in the junior classes, I thought about how to improve military equipment, and kill more Americans.
Background information, for these studies, however, was scarce, and my improvements were often really delusional.
In high school, however, the "killer" problematic began to evoke adequate feelings - a slight disgust, there were doubts about its significance.
- My greatest insanity was flying into space.
Mania of non-standard:
Another manifestation of mania loopholes in childhood and youth I had another mental illness - "Unconventionality." -.
- I was almost unable to do anything "as expected."
- I tried to do something differently.
- Not only in his technical fantasies, but also in everyday life, which caused constant discontent of his parents.
The genetic and "cultural" reasons for my loopholes are:
My grandfather's family was the only survivor of his wealthy family, during the famine of 1930-33. - The grandfather somehow managed to "turn around" and get a job in the Soviet service.
My father - the only one who survived from my grandfather's large family - during the repressions of 1937-38. "In my memoirs, my father wrote that by some miracle he had escaped from the receiver, the night when an order was ordered to kill the children of" the enemies of the people. "
Despite the ban on accepting children as "enemies of the people", and 6 years of education in the 1 st orphanage, he somehow managed to enter the university, finish it, and even took a good social position, for example, bought the first mass passenger car "VAZ" -2101 », never breaking the law.
- The first Kazakh had 3 orders of magnitude less personal cars than the first American - in 1970.
My father, I remember, also did nothing "like everyone else", constantly something "made wise."
From him I took over this character trait.
It was unbearable for me to do anything "right", - I experienced simultaneously irresistible laziness, disgust, boredom, and the desire to get out somewhere is a kind of spiritual claustrophobia.
The third reason for my mania, other than genetics and "contamination" from my father, was the Soviet culture of prohibitions. - In the midst of universal constraints, fantasies were the only island of freedom.
Numerous "circles" - aeromodelling, sports were also "right". - They dominated the intolerable for me spirit of discipline and execution of the algorithm of the curriculum.
Therefore, I preferred to be a homemaker and live in fantasies.
4 reason: Mania of meaning: Meaningless problems were uninteresting to me.
- I, also, did not play chess, did not solve puzzles, did not take a great interest in "pure" science.
5 reason: I was a coward, the Soviet environment was very criminal - The courts were swarming with "hooligans".
On the 2 nd side, my parents were very conformable - never, even I was told anything contrary to the general opinion, never "protruded".
My father was engaged in "gagging" only in either the permitted limits, or secretly.
I think my father did not even do everything as "necessary" as he thought about it.
At least that's what I always did.
At school, I was called "Edison." - Thanks to my father, - I did not need anything, and directed my fantasies to all sorts of lies.
Financially, at the same time, I did not do anything - I just composed everything in my head. - For social resourcefulness my grandfather and father had to act not with their hands, but with writing and words.
On the 3rd side, I took over my father's "absolute" performance. "I do not remember my father, that he did not do anything." - He constantly either studied some Normative Acts and Instructions, or something he analyzed.
In the USSR, there was little "correct" behavior. It was necessary to be "right" happy.
And if, my father did not experience special suffering, portraying happiness, then in my childhood, with still undeveloped self-awareness, a 100% art life caused the greatest discomfort, and, apparently, the corresponding character traits were the main reason for simply catastrophic depression - In his youth.
I have never "rested" in my life, I have never voluntarily gone to any entertainment facilities, except in cinema - in my childhood. - I did not go just because I tried to get rid of at least the "imposed" rest, if I could not but study and work "as it should."
By the way, now I finally got rid of even the "necessary" work, and live by the dictates of the soul, not the political workers.
Even psychotherapists often do not understand the simplest and, apparently, the most common suicidal motive - getting rid of torment.
It's good that I had the wisdom to understand everything in time.
Dislike of shows:
The main reason for my indifference to food and "rest" is that in my childhood I was "tired out" of imposing a way of life.
The rest for me was rest from "rest", - from "cultural and entertainment events".
I began to tire of any spectacle, mass culture and culture.
Dislike of musicals and music appeared even after in the 7-8th grade with the class had to leave without a miss a dozen times to the operetta theater in order to develop a love for operatic art.
At the university, the hostility to pop rock increased. - here a terrible depression, and these scum in the neighborhood from idleness perversions suffer. -
- If only the music was calm, and then - the round-the-clock screams of some furious orangutans, loud that the dishes in the cupboard are rattling.
I felt dislike for the most charming singers. - There are so many problems in the world, and they pay attention to some kind of nonsense;
To useless people distract attention from public figures and scientists.
Vegetarianism:
The first dislike for meat appeared - after a trip to the neighboring area for meat.
The second reason for dislike for meat is: dislike of imposition, coercion - violence, compassion with dashes.
The second reason, incidentally, my 24-hour performance was that the work was the only place of freedom.
Mania of "divinity":
With dislike of shows, cynicism, callousness and all normal pleasures, their antagonists seemed naturally attractive to me - kindness, openness, love for each other and for animals.
In the 1990s, I read religious books, sought communication with religious people, but then abandoned it. Reasons:
1. "Obligation" of observance of rituals.
2. "Lochotron" instead of arguments, - communist pedagogy has developed from me hyper-criticality and distrust.
3. Lack of free-thinking and openness among believers, especially among pastors.
Unbelief:
By habit, I concealed unbelief - already in God, but, then, not having found communication and reasoning, I decided to go my own way. -
Instead of prayers, I decided to take up charity, and charity, which I like, not by questionable help to a dubious neighbor, but - by sincere and political charity - that is, conditions in which:
1. Charity would not be needed.
2. People would be happy, not just satisfied.
I agreed that you do not need to "spray". But also - in its own way. - Do not be dispersed at all soulless, but globally deal with - unanimous.
Mania of invention:
I perceive any information - for searching for loopholes.
For example, after reading in 1979 in the textbook of Sivukhin's physics the first formulation of the second law of thermodynamics about the impossibility of transferring heat from a cold body to a warm one with the help of the "Maxwell's demon", immediately found a loophole - evaporation into an open medium of low humidity, which Was the "demon of Maxwell".
In 2004, he used the evaporative air conditioner already for his social project "Yurt-21". - Its energy efficiency was almost an order of magnitude higher than that of the traditional one.
Having read at the same time the second formulation of the second law of thermodynamics about the impossibility of creating a thermal "Perpetuum mobile of the second kind" - having an efficiency factor higher than that of the Carnot cycle, immediately found a loophole - a series of engines that are thus "Perpetuum mobile 2 nd kind. "
After several years, after reorienting to the economy, I was looking for the optimal implementation of my project "Cold exhaust". - For the then price of oil, the optimal result was a 2-stage engine: gas. Turbine + external combustion engine.
After graduation, I decided to finally "tie" with military subjects and found for myself the most useful, problematic, giving a sense of meaning - social.
In childhood and youth, I had a mania of invention.
After graduation from the university, during Perestroika I was carried away by social "invention".
First, I found that to implement my technical ideas, the main problems are not technical, but political. - They need to look for "loopholes."
In the second, in technical invention there is not that "sense" that is in politics.
- Well, there will be an electric power a little cheaper, well, there will be less traffic in the cities, - so what? "It does not really mean anything like hooligans in the streets and in the student hostel, like loneliness, as the inability to get housing, as a general commodity deficit, as a danger of war."
However, in politics it is more difficult to invent - due to a lack of basic information and just disinformation.
Later, I even received the 2 nd - a psychological diploma, although the technique remained more appropriate to the warehouse of my mind
Misunderstanding:
I have not met a single person who would understand even the simplest idea of the 2 "Perpetuum mobile".
I doubted - probably, I do not understand something, - the rest of humanity can not be mistaken, apparently, things are not so simple here.
I tried to find aberrations in my own thinking, I studied psychology.
After all, the social criterion of delirium, insanity is the misunderstanding of the reasons for your abnormality, and not just the errors of your thinking.
However, when the realizations of my ideas began to appear, the truth, of some of the dozens, I again doubted.
And I decided to look for unanimous people with similar interests.
Passion for Survival of Civilization:
Would be Rod, I would be carried away by his survival, - would think up all sorts of outlets.
And since there is no Rod, I got carried away no less no less - the survival of the Earthly Civilization.
Professionalism?:
One of the "scammers" of Soviet propaganda was the suggestion that everyone should do his own thing, that one should not go into global politics.
But why not, if the latter please me?
- It's meaningless? - Without information that was simply absent in the USSR, without opportunities, is it a waste of time?
- This is not the case with the "Consultative Structure". Information, in particular, can be collected "in parallel", horizontally.
At the first opportunity, in perestroika, I tried to put my hand to changing the extremely uncomfortable social environment. He typed several thousand leaflets on the typewriter, sent out, in 1990, to all activists whose addresses he could learn - a proposal to organize an "Advisory structure"
Changing the environment, I can help people more than a one-time help to my neighbor, which he still will later be taken away.
Yes, it is unrealistic to change the environment globally, more precisely, it is inefficient. - State propaganda will always be stronger - people processed by it will always constitute a "democratic" majority.
It is more effective to group, create your own micro-environment, micro-culture.
What I tried to do, joining, in 1988, to the Community of Vladimir Mizger - in Ukraine.
In invitations, we wrote - how we want to live, what kind of non-state school we want to create for our children.
Unfortunately, in the former USSR, the opportunity, the democratic conditions that allow everyone to live as he likes, are more or less preserved only in the Baltic and Ukraine.
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Plan:
Why was silent all this time?:
Firstly, he did not say anything.
- Since 2006 I have been conducting a website, - I speak on it once a year. - Compromise.
- It's deadly dangerous to hang out.
Secondly, Household problems.
The second function of poverty - that people were not up to politics - is working, after all.
B-3, Intimidation.
The criminal prosecution for the alleged spread of rumors and the use of anonymizers is also working:
"Nonsense, what we do not eat, the main thing - we do not eat."
Fourth, We do not die from hunger.
Bad, but there is feedback in the power.
And I'm a supporter of the principle "Do no harm."
Why do I stick out?:
First of all, nevertheless, we have to do something with "Plotina".
- If the authorities irresponsibly increase it, it is necessary to deal with discharge danger - instead of them. Danger-2018.
Secondly, Until the end of life so you can sit stuck, meaningless.
Thirdly, Export of "Managed Democracy" in the United States.
Future. Earthly Civilization is the only one in Our Universe, apparently having "divine" perspectives. It's a pity if "Managed democracy" wins.
Indecision:
The 1st reason - why almost 30 years did not try to resume the "Advisory structure" - indecision.
And the reason for his indecision was understood even in his early youth, is the fear of failure, failure. - In my early childhood I was given a powerful reflex - I stumbled - shooting. - You "harness" for a long time, you sit until the enemy surrounds and wins.
I'm afraid that more than one generation in our family this cultural tail will last.
"Medicine" from indecisiveness, too, found in his youth - this is self-awareness.
However, it is still badly obtained.
It's like pushing a wheelbarrow up the mountain in hummocks - just stumbled, and rolled back.
Specifically, paranoia prevented it, - fears of security, and, a bit of megalomania. - It seemed that it was worth starting to speak publicly, and I would immediately fall under the "hood", and no one would help.
Therefore, even now I decided to start with reinsurance - see Security
The second reason for passivity - family, - unsuccessful marriage. - It was absolutely not up to public affairs.
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But you can also stick out safely: -
Security : You should start with:
1. Search unanimous.
My articles can be, really, far-fetched, and fears - paranoia, and by 30 years I have not discussed them with anyone, "I cooked in my own juice."
Fictitiousness will provoke even unanimous interlocutors to insult.
Therefore, it would be good to start with the discussion of the "Advisory structure".
But it will be difficult to explain - why it is needed.
2. To recruit "a critical mass" of fame - from Western human rights defenders.
3. "The advisory structure" to promote - not on politics, but on neutral - technical issues.
4. Start - with foreign - English, German, Ukrainian, and hosting on the western hosting.
5. With self-locking in your country.
About the "cap" criteria:
It would be nice to know the instructions of the special services regarding the criteria for monitoring a person. For example:
- Criticism of big bosses,
- The number of readers in your country is more than 1000.
- Calls for the overthrow of something. And t n
Special services are also a stupid, bureaucratic, initiative-less machine. -
- Without the team will not act.
This can also be used.
I even once prepared a "naive" letter to the special services with a direct question about the criteria.
But changed his mind:
1. To not attract attention to yourself.
2. There is no guarantee in a non-legal state.
Already faced with this. - First the performer promises. - He has such a job.
But then the boss gives the command, and the performer breaks the word. "He has such a job."
It's better to learn about the criteria and safety - from human rights defenders.
Safer and more efficient - at crucial moments:
1. Not before me and not until "pure science" will be - when crowds protest.
2. The "effect" of the trigger.
But, still it is more effective to work out in advance, - that at the right moment it was ready.
About corruption:
One of the scammers of propaganda is about the venality of politicians.
Personally, I will do so:
I will do my own thing, and for this I will not give up donations.
But absolutely I will not adjust my work for payment.
- In the Soviet way, - take what is. Do not like it - do not take it.
Let it be cheap.
Another thing is that I'm always open to criticism.
- Critics - for the case, rather than blocking the case with trolls.
For this, I will begin with the "Advisory structure."
Poverty vow:
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My path:
The left must go the opposite way - not prohibitions and violence, but through - competition, freedom and organization.
Why is the night watchman? - Adequacy of efforts to problems:
1. I rank the problems by importance:
A. The biggest problem is finding unanimous people.
B. Help my daughter.
2. Optimize life for problems:
It takes time to find unanimous people.
Food, "rest" - not a problem, - it is enough for them to work as a night watchman.
Help the daughter is more important - not money.
So all the time you can give the search for unanimous people.
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